needing to knit.

When this sciatica started back in October, somewhere between drug-induced slumber and tearful frustration I picked up a pair of knitting needles.  Now this wasn’t the beginning beginning of knitting for me.  The previous winter I had learnt to cast on, knit garter stitch and just about cast off.  I made two whole scarfs.  After that the needles were forgotten in the busyness of family life.  I picked them back up again hoping to distract me from the pain in my back.

We all need something that can take us away from the hustle and bustle of life, if only just for a few minutes at a time.  Reading, writing, painting, playing music, listening to music, gardening, photography, cooking, baking – anything.  We were made to be creative, it’s in all of us, we just need to find the right outlet.  For me it’s photography, baking and since only very recently – knitting.  Normally I feel blessed to be able to grab a moment to get my camera out or a half hour to bake a cake.  And for this season of my life, as I’m drugged up to my eyesballs in painkillers and limited with movement, I cherish the chance to pick up my wool and knit.  It’s a beautiful thing coming out of something quite bleak. With sciatica breathing down my kneck I love to knit.  I need to knit.

So this is where it all starts.  I’m working my way through a book – knitty Griity by Aneeta Patel.  I start here in a place where I have no idea how to knit a button whole, wouldn’t know where to begin with those weird needles that are stuck together with a bit of string and I have no clue what to do when you know you’ve gone wrong somewhere.  And I share this journey with you.

A title that has no title because I’m too sleepy to think of one.


This weekend the leadership of our church (and wives/husband) got away for a kind of vision/evaluation weekend. We stayed at Summer Hill Country House enjoying the wonderful hospitality of Mike and Patsy Derry, who were for a long time an integral part of the Emmanuel community.  With not even a hint of mere politeness, I cannot recommend this place enough.  A jaw-droppingly stunning building, great food and a meticulous attention to detail all make it the perfect get-away.  And no I’m not on commission.

On the Friday morning I went to talk to my GP about my sciatica since my physio is out of ideas.  So I’m going back to the consultant.  When the GP gently brought in the idea of surgery I tried hard to keep my cool.  Although I felt sick it didn’t come as a surprise.  I’ve been asking myself ‘what if’ for a few weeks now, knowing that sciatica should normally have settled itself by now.  But it’s not in the immediate future so I’m trying to throw it right to the back of my mind.  Another thing the GP wanted to talk about was how to optimise my pain relief.  Because I’ve been feeling more scatty and forgetful from the medication, he wants to pinpoint the culprit.  He thinks it’s the pregabalin so to find out he’s doubled my dose.  That’s one way of doing it.  Friday lunchtime I took double pregabalin and it hit me like a tonne of bricks.  I felt dizzy, nauseous and completely spaced out.  If this is what taking drugs is like then I totally don’t get the appeal.  Teenagers Don’t do it!! you’ll only just vomit and wreck your party clothes!! Anyway, I digress.  So I call up the doctor’s surgery in my drug induced state begging to get a phone consultation with my GP to ask if I could lower my dose again.  When the receptionist said that wasn’t possible I burst into tears and she put through an urgent priority query.  When I called back later the GP has left a message telling me to stick with it or perhaps drop one tablet. Uh!!! Which takes us back to the weekend away.  Did I mention we stayed at a lovely guest house?  You’d really love it…

Cutting a long story short I tried the dose again on Saturday – it was awful again, and I spent most of the afternoon sleeping.  At this point The Husband put his foot down saying this couldn’t go on.  The annoying point is that in the evening my back went into spasm.  I had a bag of frozen sweetcorn to put across my back and that eased it massively.  Today I took my original dose and I’ll deal with the doctor tomorrow.  I know he’s got another plan up his sleeve and so guessing that my medication will change again over the next week and Rob being away with work I’ve called in the cavalry.  When I say cavalry I mean my mummy.

Despite the sciatica, the weekend away was restful and refreshing.  There was space to think and regain perspective on everything that amounts to my world.  So with help at hand, I’m ready to make this a good week.

Five things I’ll try not to do this week:

– moan too much about being in pain

– Eat chocolate and crisps

– Let the laundry mount up

– watch too much Desperate housewives

– Overwork my back

Five things I’ll really try to do this week:

laugh every day

– knit every day

– take a load of photographs

– remember to do my physio

– cross off something on my work’s to-do list before I add more on

Knitting? Yes knitting.  I’m 28 and I love to knit.  This is the new love of my life and I’ll be writing more about it it soon. I’ll be putting up my challenge 52 photos up soon.  I’ll be putting some more recipes up here soon…But for now a hot water bottle, a good book and a cosy bed await me.

Trains, lists and chocolate.

The only positive side to this sciatica is that I’m forced to slow down. I’m always wanting to slow down or wishing that time itself would to cease to whizz by in a blur. So I have a load of thoughts jumbling around in my heavily medicated head.

I don’t know how people cope with long term pain – because it’s doing my head in after 10 or 11 weeks.

I think I’ve lost the key to the tuck shop money tin. Again (note to self – let someone else look after the key).

I’m pretty sure it’s not right to already have a chocolate hangover a week before christmas and I’m very sure it’s not right to have only mars bars in the fruit and veg drawer of the fridge (note to self, eat more fruit and veg to balance it out and jobs a good’n).

It’s a week before christmas!? No no no, I haven’t done nearly as much as I wanted to do in the festive season. I mustn’t have made a list about it. If I had had a list I would have been way more succesful in my christmas festivities (note to self, make a list next November).

If its christmas 2011….That must mean it has been ten years exactly since The Husband and I knew we weren’t just two people in the same social circle. He totally pursued me. Well he at least asked for my phone number at the new years eve party we were both at. There is some pursiut in there surely. But ten years. A whole decade. Blimey.

We’re low on loo roll, really must get some more tomorrow.

I wonder what Rob will do on the train tomorrow. It’s been ages since I went on a train by my self, so don’t know what I’d do.

Medication is making me too sleepy now, I wonder if I’ll dream of trains lists and chocolate.

musings of time warps, crafts and DNA.

It has been said that people often look like their dogs. Possibly the most common conversation held when meeting a baby is who they take after. Famous singers often come from ‘musical’ families. There’s gotta be something in it. Hold that thought.

There’s this wierd thing with my mum (aka ‘me mam’). she could pop to the local shop for a loaf of bread and come back two hours later. She doesn’t go anywhere else. It’s just a fact that time speeds up whenever she goes anywhere. I’m not exaggerating. When she goes anywhere which would normally take a couple of hours, my dad know he won’t see her ’till nightfall.

The scary thing is, when you’re with her you get caught in this weird time warp. I’ve been out with her countless times when we come back way later than we were due home. So with hands on expereince, I truly don’t know how she takes so long to do things. Granted, there are the loo stops, but that can only account for a fraction of the time that lapses while she’s out. I guess it’s just in her DNA.

And here we have the tedious link. Whether I’ve slowly grown into it without my knowing or the genetics have suddenly kicked in, but it appears my mother has passed on her weird time warp trait to me.

This condition is definitely more accute when any kind of shopping is involved. The more choice, the more intense the symptoms. Of late I have become confused fascinated by the variety of butter in the fridge section. I spend an unecessary amount of time working out if it’s cheaper buying two smaller packs of pasta or one medium one. I find myself wandering aimlessly with my trolley, list or no list.

Fortunately for all those shoppers that I so often block their way through the shopping isles, I’ve hardly been out over that past nine or so weeks. This sciatica appears to be even more stubborn than me. And it flippin floppin hurts. But there has to be a reason why it’s all happening, and God-willing I’ll be back to wandering around shopping isles and annoying other shoppers in no time.

patience is a virtue???

I’ve spent the last 28 years taking my bum for granted. I never fully appreciated what it’s like to sit down pain-free. I now vow to cherish my padded posterior to the end of my days.

The cocktail of medication has finally started to work, so hopefully I’m on the mend. The past two weeks I have kept myself sane by:

1. Watching two box sets of Desperate Housewives. How did this show slip through my fingers this past decade??? Those women have made a lifelong friend in me. Yes, I know it’s not real…

2. Baking cakes and cookies and fresh bread and icecream. I’ve not been eating much at all so the extra calories won’t do much harm, right?

3. enjoying (prescription!) drug induced sleep.

Now I’m a little better my mind has returned to getting a puppy, leaving my family despairingly with their head in their hands. But I’m nothing if not determined when I get my mind on something. Sure, I can be impulsive…But in my defense I have taken my time looking into different breeds and trawling the internet. I thought I had struck gold with a ridiculously cheap puppy. Having corresponded with the breeder and read the information she has given, I have a feeling I have only gone and touched base with a very suspect puppy farm. Oh dear.

Since then, I found a King charles spaniel breeder in Blackpool who have some puppies now, but they are more than we can afford, so it’s back to the drawing board and time to get saving. I’m not very patient, but I guess the only way to practice patience is having to wait. Or I could just nag and nag and nag until I get my own way.

comfort food.

urgh. I’m in pain. It serves me right for not being more sympathetic with The Husband with his bad back. Doctor told me it was sciatica and gave me a load of strong pain relief.

I can’t get comfortable lying down, I can’t get comfortable sitting, but walking around makes it a little easier. So to stop myself from going nuts, tomorrow I’m going to do something to keep me on my feet. I’m going to bake and cook. Yep. I’m going to make yummy edibles until I Can’t stand anymore.

butternut Squash Soup. Fresh Bread. Blueberry muffins. Choc and oat cookies.

Slimming-World Schmimming-world. Sometimes comfort food is necessary.