clean children, chocolate and empty living rooms

Phew! What a week.  The Husband took a work trip to the Isle of Man and so I needed to really pull it out the bag.  My mum was here for the first part so I was able to ease into my independent-I-can-totally-do-this mode.  And by the grace of God I did! I managed to keep the girls alive – no, more than that – I managed to keep them fed and clean moderately clean.  I do reckon though, the only way I’d ever survive single motherhood would be to go to bed at the same time as my girls.

Ordinarily I would have kept it low key with the plan to accomplaish the bare minimum.  However, I needed some shorts for my physio session this week because I needed to start working on the muscles in my legs.  Problem was that none of my shorts fit me anymore and clothes shopping is not quite as fun when you’ve put a load of weight on – but I had to do it – so I hit the shops before one of the school runs.  My purchase ended up bitter sweet; I found a really cute pair of shorts in GAP for £5.00 – yes £5.00(!!) but to get them over my thunder thighs I had to go up yet another clothes size.  Yey for the GAP bargain, booooooooooooooooooooooo for the bigger size.

If you’re read this blog for a while you’ll know that I’m a stereotypical yo-yo dieter.  At best I start great and lose weight like a champ but somewhere along the road I meet a doughnut.  At worst I meet the Donut the same day as I decide to diet.  And don’t scream at the screen that diets are wrong and that its all about healthy eating, because left to my own devices I will just eat the chocolate.

And having pulled out an old recipe for making the worlds best fudge to put up on my new foodie page I now have a tub full of the stuff in my fridge.

Next week will be so crazy though that even thinking about it is burning calories.  After months of hmmmmmmmms the living room will be prepped tomorrow and plastered on Monday.  That means we The Husband will be clearing the room today while I supervise.  No its ok, he really loves it…

car batteries and shoes.

If there was a soundtrack for this post it would be Destiny child’s Independent Women.  In fact I even tried to attach it but I couldn’t work it out.  Instead I’m listening to it as I write.  If you have it in itunes play it…….now.

As I dance like an old granny trying to be cool cut some shapes in my chair I’m feeling like an independent woman.  Well kind of.

I don’t know if I’m the only wife that is  qite happy for The Husband to look after various reponsibilities and leave him to it, is that normal? I’m really not sure.  There are some things people just don’t compare notes with each other so as far as I know every other woman knows all the details of every domestic task.  One of these tasks is breakdown service.  The Husband knows all the details, renews it and changes it when appropriate.  He also puts the bins out.  And he’s quite partial to dusting.  Just don’t tell him I told you that.

So The Husband went away on monday for a leadership conference in Harrogate.  Three days and two nights.  Since My back got hurt I’ve not had sole responsibility for the home and the girls so I was relieved that my pain has improved these past two weeks and I’m back behind the wheel.  Although I havn’t done nearly as much as I normally would have, and I’ve had loads of help from the in-laws, I’m so pleased I’ve managed to keep the girls alive and keep myself sane.

But on Tuesday when the car battery died I didn’t have a clue what to do.  My mum-in-law came to pick me and Roo up but I knew I needed to do something about the battery at some point.  Although I needed to call The Husband to check on our policy number, I managed to find our cover paperwork and arrange to have someone come jump start the car.  It started fine but if it hadn’t I was all ready to get up to Fleetwood to have a new battery fitted.

I know that this seems ridiculous to some but for seven months I’ve not had any independence at all.  I’ve been very much dependent on my family and the grace of the church leadership team (to allow me do a load of my planning work from my bed!).  It has become ‘normal’ to need people to do for me what I’d ordinarily do myself.  For men that would emasculate them, so what does it do for women?  This whole ordeal has stripped away a lot of confidence in what I ‘do’.  It’s humiliating as a mum not being able to empty your own dish washer or pick your children up from school because the walk from the car is too far.  I think its in our DNA to want to be needed and be useful.  So when I sorted out the car it brought back a little of the lost confidence. It was just so good to do something normal.  The breakdown guy said I’d need to take the car out for a run so I grabbed my purse and a list that I’d stuck on the fridge) and drove into Cleveleys, something I’ve wanted to do by myself for a long time.  Being a mum everything always seems to be rushed so it was a luxury taking my time.  I had to walk past New Look, and I couldn’t resist not having a quick look in there.

Then I saw them.  It was as if time stood still and nothing else existed in the world but them and I…

Is it possible to be in love with a pair of shoes? I didn’t buy them but I know that one day we will meet again and they will find their home at the bottom of my wardrobe.

Yes, yesterday was definitely a day of progress.  I had felt a little bit useful sorting out the car, I had a mosey around Cleveleys, and I went to pick Ruby up from school.  I felt normal again.  Or as normal as I could possibly get.