caffeine, cake and growing up.

Yesterday was my birthday. Anyone who asked was told I’m still working on perfecting 21.

I was actually unwell, a nice ol’ mixture of back/leg pain, accidentally drinking caffeine and maybe a virus.  It didn’t stop me enjoying a white chocolate and raspberry muffin, shopping for a while with my ma,  and heading out for KidsZone and The Hub in the evening.

There was a serious amount of love floating around the Emmanuel building.  Our young people brought cakes, chocolate, cards and gifts.  The cakes were like a modern day ‘5 loves and two fish’ – people sniffed them out from all over the building and filed in and out to get a slice and at the end of the night there was still half left of each.  A miracle I tell ya.

Had it been anyone else’s birthday I would have filled the post with pictures. But it was mine and so none were taken.  I keep trying to refresh my mental photos because I don’t want to lose them – the kids singing happy birthday, a stolen flower (from one of the vases) tucked in my hair, the looks on the faces of those who handed over gifts and cards, a little girl handing over a ‘birthday medal’ she’d made me. Sigh.

I wouldn’t have wanted to have been anywhere else.  People keep telling us how they appreciate te work we’re going with the kids and young people.  It’s humbling because we kinda feel like frauds.  The fact is it’s us that are grateful to be a part of something that is growing way past the efforts of a brummie boy and a mackem girl.

Gush gush gush and more gush.

So, 29. I need to sit down with a cup of tea and look at this list of mine.  I’ve not thought about it for a while so I dont remember what I’ve done and not done.  I might change it – some of it may not be as important to me as it was a year ago.

We were starting to make plans for a family holiday.  We found one that was perfect and were ready to book  it and send off for passports in the morning.  But when morning came and we were honest with each other, neither of us felt at peace about financial cost. So the decision was made that we wouldn’t go. Uh, I hate being sensible.

29.  I think I might just have turned into a grown up.





Six years ago The Husband gave me a kiss goodbye and headed off to eat some chinese food and get a good night’s sleep.  I was lying in a hospital bed with ridiculously captivating baby in my arms.  This was real.  I expected someone to come in and tell me I wasn’t allowed to look after this precious little being.



I stared.  She stared.  I asked her if she was hungry.  She wan’t fussed.  The ladies in blue dresses weren’t massively impressed with that.  Apparently babies are supposed to be hungry.  I wasn’t impressed that noone prepared me for how much pain I’d be after a thirty hour labour.  Little trixters.

And just like that – blink and you’d miss it, she’s six.  SHE’S SIX!! I know all parents say but really I have the smartest, funniest, kindest girl in the world.  She blows me away.

She totally rocked it yesterday with her girlfriends.

Happy birthday baby girl xxxx




green stars, tears and cupcakes

Last week I totally spoilt myself because La Redoute had some gorjooooose clothes on a ridiculous sale.  So I bought me clothes.  My favourite I think has to be this one.

I mean, who doesn’t have space in their wardrobe for some green stars?

This week has been hard.  My back has been hurting, my ears have been hurting and the house is upside down from getting some decorating done.  But way more than all of this was the depserately awful news that a lady I knew from various Emmanuel outreach programmes had died suddenly, leaving a husband and two very young children.  I tried to write about it twice this week and after staring at the screen and deleting every word I typed I figured it wasn’t the right time.  It’s still not.  But it can’t be ignored either.  I was to scream at the unfairness of it all, but choose to trust in God when I don’t understand.  I’m choosing to appreciate every day that can so easily be taken for granted.

It’s Chloe’s birthday sunday so we’re making it a bithday weekend.  I really didn’t want to fork out for a typical class party at a soft play like she had last year.  I’m glad we did it then because it’s good for a child to experience something like that and she loved having all her class around her.  But I was over the moon when Chloe opted for a ‘fun day’ with a handful of her girlfriends.  So much more fun.  I’ll be baking cupcakes for me the girls as a pre-birthday cake. That’s tomorrow, and Sunday will be family time with a pub lunch and a bigger birthday cake.  No doubt Sunday night I’ll be over-reflective that my baby girl is six and I’ll indulge in all the cliches about how time flies.

Oh and I found my coral nail varnish that I though I had lost.  Result.


I’ve been spending a good amount of my days here…


I’ve definitely been bitten by the sewing bug. I made another skirt – this time for Chloe.  I went to fleetwood market and made my first fabric purchase.


As soon as I saw this seersucker  (no idea why it’s called that. anyone?) I knew Chloe would love it.  Granted, I did make it a little too long because I was over-concerned about making it too short, AND it’s a little see through (I’m going to cut up a pillow case to line it somehow), but I’m still happy with it.  And the major test –     Chloe loved it too. I only bought a meter of the seersucker, and kinda wished I’d bought more.

A chiropractor came over a few days ago and straight away identified a couple of things wrong with my back.  He said it’s all fixable and would like to see major improvement over a coupld of sessions.  Hurray – I was so relieved just to finally have some kind of answer and possible solution.  He warned me that over the next few days I’ll feel like I’ve been kicked by a horse and I woke up yesterday feeling just like that.  I kept checking in the mirror to see if there was bruising because it felt that tender. Today though my back doens’t feel anywhere near as bad and I’ve been warned to do very little.  This is way harder than you think it would be!

Half an hour after the Chiropractor left the post came through the letterbox and amongst the junkmail was a letter from the Pain Management Service.  It was confirming that I’ve been referred by the consultant and letting me know that there would be a 28 WEEK wait until my first appointment.  Yes 28 WEEKS. I just don’t have the words for that.  Actually I do because I emailed my MP about it!  Had I not felt so positive from the chiropractor I would have been in a pretty grim place after reading that letter.

But instead of feeling all narky over the NHS I’ll choose to be positive.  That choice is powerful.

Five on a friday: Five things I’m looking forward to this next week:

*  Guilt-Free Rest (When I’ve struggled with standing I have always felt so guilty and lazy, but rest is what the chiropractor has called for so sitting down now I feel like I’m kind of contributing to my recovery)

*  Having some time with my parents while the girls are at school (They’re coming to help while Rob is away)

*  Starting to see all the decorating coming together, there may even be yellow on the kitchen walls!

*  Having a One-Tree-Hill free mind (this last week I’ve been watching the very last episodes ever online, so I’ve felt a little consumed with the drama.  It’s that same bitter sweet feeling as finishing a good book – you’re sad it’s over but relieved that you can return to reality again!

*  Thinking of creative little ways to celebrate Chloe’s birthday in a couple of weeks.  Time to get planning!