I’ve tried to do this a bunch of times over the last five months. Jump back into the saddle. Get writing again. But that saddle just seemed too high. Too much. I’m aware that those readers who joined me along the way have long since given up stopping by my blog. So I’m more doing this for me. Because I love to write. And because if I used a journal or notepad, sooner or later I’d end up losing it along with the thoughts I’m trying to preserve for the future me to look back on.
For more than four years I have put a piece of me into every blog post I write. My dashboard tells me I did that 320 times. But it’s not a matter of keeping it going for the sake of what I’ve already written; it’s a matter of preserving space for what I’m yet to write. Not to be some big shot writer (I’m a realist to a fault) but just because it’s what I love. It’s what’s good for me.
To say it’s been a hard year feels so understated. There will be a time, and I feel strongly about this, that will feel right to talk about it. To be real and raw and honest, to give hope. But ultimately to give honour and glory to God who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. I used to just believe that, but now I know it to be true, without a flicker of doubt. Because I’ve seen it and lived it. And whatever your experience, when you live it you tell it, you can’t not. But that time isn’t now, not yet. My now is full of embracing life as it is, scratching my head over tomato plants that don’t grow tomatoes and getting comfy back in this saddle 🙂