confessions.

Well I’ve broken into my box of Kit-Kat Chunky peanut butter bars, i have swapped all my stuff from my old purse to my new beautiful green one and I have worn my new shorts (funnily enough, they’re green too).  I woke up this morning feeling so much better so that’s a belated birthday gift in itself.

I was reminded today (totally random thought as well) about a conversation I had with a friend when I was, hmmmmm, about 15.  We met when a load of young people descended on my home church to do a weeks youth mission, and she was L.O.U.D.  I’m talking seriously confident and charismatic.  This conversation happened a little while after we met and she admitted that SHE had felt INTIMIDATED about ME.  Yes, I wrote that right.  Now you need to understand that I am way more confident now that I was as a teen.  I was so shy around new people (ok, maybe I’m not that much more confident now because I still feel like a right lemon around people I don’t know).  So it knocked me for six.

I don’t like the idea of anyone being intimidated by me.  I’m so easily intimidated myself, I know how it feels.  So I’m here to remedy this problem – if anyone else was to be so out of their minds as to feel intimidated by me.  You know when you’re nervous of public speaking you’re supposed to picture the audience naked?  Well don’t you dare picture me naked!! The whole point of that is to make them seem less powerful to you and therefore you can find your confidence (isn’t it awful that it always seems to be a battle of power?! ) And there is no better way to make yourself powerless than to throw confessions onto the table.

So for one night only, here are 5 real and raw confessions.

1. I have no idea what people are going on about when they use the word instagram.  I know it’s something to do with photos but after that you’ve lost me.  When it pops up here and there I just nod and smile.

2. I am petrified a teeny weeny bit afraid of old-school posters.  It doesn’t matter where you go, they’re always staring at you.

3. I cannot add up in my head without using my fingers.

4. Some people think I’m really tough for labouring and giving birth twice with only gas and air but truth is I was too out of it  with the gas and air to ask for anything else.

5. When we hadn’t been going to Emmanuel long, one Sunday morning I came back from the toilet and Rob whispered to me that he had told one of the leader’s I’d do a bible reading later on in the church service.  I was so horrified and self conscious I grabbed the car keys and legged it.  Yes and I’m a paid member of staff now.

So there you are.  five reasons why  not to feel at all intimidated by me.

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